And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't put those talents on a resume
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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