This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
