He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
