i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
