Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
