Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
