Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
