i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
