How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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