we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
