I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
