I'm really into asian looking animals
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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