garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
