Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
