K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
whose parrot is this?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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