Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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