I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
