I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
