I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
His hands were made for my vagina.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
