Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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