did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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