Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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