I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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