Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
