I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
