I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
