I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
