Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
