Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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