I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
