of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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