five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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