There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
