I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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