I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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