I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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