His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
