A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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