CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
