im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
