he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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