dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
