batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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