my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
