i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
