i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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