ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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