He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
