A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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