The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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