He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am available for nakedness
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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