You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
