I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
