So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
