and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
