I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
