I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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