Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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