how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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