So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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