it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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