Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
