This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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