I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
