my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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