Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
