I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
