at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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