She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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