If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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