At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
