WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
