You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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