TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
