there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
