I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
