For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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