Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
