Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
