herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
