you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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