dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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