During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
