He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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