You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
