I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
