you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
